How do I learn to not give a fuck? I give so many fucks. I don’t trust myself. I’m so in focus that I’m out of focus. I feel like I fail - myself, or my deep rooted expectations from my institutional conditioning . I give myself not chances, no grace. I can’t respond to mistakes without manically repositioning myself so I feel worthwhile once more. It’s ingrained more than my own DNA. I'm scared I will be this way forever. Pretending is becoming hard